11/01/2015 Making Changes

There is a part of me that is happy to sit in the house all day every day and nap and drink my way through life but I think it's all kind of growing old. Having someone ask you what you do in your spare time and all you can respond with is Netflix and cry is pathetic. I think unless you make that commitment to change yourself as a person, life is always going to seem terrible.
Today, I made that change. I joined a gym to get myself out the house and make me feel more confident when I look in the mirror. Okay, it just shows I'm still terrible with money but by having a positive outlook, I *fingers crossed* won't comfort eat vast amounts of cheese and by being healthier, I'll have more energy and won't need my daily fix of Red Bull. Oh dear lord, I have high expectations.

22-12-2015 Summer

Summer affected me in many ways. It gave me opportunity and it gave me an important decision to make. And at this moment in time, I feel like I made the wrong choice.  In all honesty, looking back at my first year of university, it was full of great experiences. I finally had a chance at freedom; I drank a lot, smoked, and generally fell for the wrong people; all with consequences. I was in debt with no trust in humanity and my health was terrible.
Now, in the middle of second year, I have realised my mental state is not perfect to say the least. I am struggling to stay a balanced and sane human being. People around me probably think I'm the most horrendous person when really I'm just being selfish. All I have on my mind is summer and it often keeps me awake at night, stops me from concentrating at uni and conversations, and I can admit I use drink as a crutch. I try and pretend like I'm just bothered about money or work, when in reality I want nothing more than to go back in time.
People can say 'you made the right choice, just think of what you would lose' but actually feeling what I feel, none of that matters at all, a part of me is just missing.